solitude

Wow. The last post here was 3 months ago, no wonder. I don’t remember when I shifted into the fast lane without having the breaks checked, but right now I find that I can’t stop, and I’m tired…I need get off this highway without crashing..

I don’t remember the last time I pampered myself to a weekend of nothingness, the last time I sat with a good book and have it finished without major interuption, the last time I had time to sit and get my thoughts sort out, the last time I let myself drift and really dream away. the last time I let myself ramble happily on the net.

Somehow life has been one occasion to another, a blur between work-home-go out-friends-colleagues-family, weekends and weekdays would just to blurr into one, just another day chasing the other, never ending plans to do this, to finish that, to go here and get back from there.

Usually after some time there will be room to breathe, to have the cylce turn over again, have lazy days til I’m sick of it, but at the moment it doesn’t seem like a chance like that will appear.

How tired am I? I’m about to return to my homeland, Indo, for the long awaited holiday. Am I excited about it? No, not really. Somehow it became another tick on my to do list, another set of things to prepare.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Maybe I’ll get my chance of slowing down sometime, somewhere in a hopefully near future. Or maybe I’ll get used to living in the fast lane like this.

Oh well…here I am, half brain dead, typing away while I should get myself going home. My friend’s coming over – he’s leaving for Brazil and I’m leaving for Indo, perfect reason for a meeting up, as always..

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~ by Anita Fei on January 16, 2006.

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