…To Feel…To Fly…

I was laying in the small bed, staring out to the stars out of the slanting window…saw the top of the trees reaching up to the sky…there had been, until that time a part of me that felt unhappy, looking for something I’ve longed missed… The part is still there, but I was starting to realize that I’ve found pieces of the things I’ve missed… I don’t usually carry a pen or paper into bed, but at that time I did, so these were my thoughts that night, put into paper…quite random, as the thoughts just rushed into my head…

This is dedicated for my old friends and family back in Indo, who helped me in the shaping…

This is dedicated for my newfound friends, who helped me dust the old things deep in the chasm and put them back on the shelves

This is for my lover, who after all these years, still makes me feel like the most precious, beautiful, and blessed woman on earth…

These words find their stem because of you beautiful people…

It’s a blessing to be able to see the beauty in other people, underneath their front facade…facades they build so tall to protect themselves…

It’s a blessing to be able to care for other people, to be able to emphatize without being pulled into the puddle…

It’s a blessing to have them reach out to you in times of need, to experience the moment when you realize you just might help to pull them out without being pulled in…

It’s a blessing not to be dark and jaded, to know that even in the darkest nights the stars still shines above – you just can’t see them at the moment…

It’s a blessing to be with people who takes you for who you are, they enable you to become more than who you are…

It’s a blessing to be able not to define yourself by what you have or what you do…

It’s a blessing not to have to look down on people, or belittle them just to make yourself feel better…

It’s a blessing to know that after the feeling of lying in the mud, you realize that you still have wings to fly…

It’s a blessing to know that you’re truly precious, just because other pople have a different value on preciousness, doesn’t mean you’re less precious. A diamond to a person who knows it’s worth is priceless thing, but a stone to a blind man…

It’s a blessing being able to accept life’s challenge, knowing that you’ll be given strength and friends to withstand it. It’s pressure that made the same subtance we know as coal into diamond.

It’s a blessing to feel so much love inside that you feel like bursting out, and to know that the feeling will come round again…

It’s a blessing to be loved for who you are – inspite of who you are..

It’s a blessing to be blessed, to know Who’s hand your life is in…

Thurdsday, 00.28 AM

31 March 05

I also found a piece I wrote on the night before on my cell, wanting to tell my girls back in Bandung…I never got through it since it was too long, but girls… let me let you know about this now….

..for the first time after these years, a spark or an old feeling that Chroi used to ignite in me returned… The past few nights I layed in my bed with the feeling and now I’m starting to understand why I feel so alie again, as if I’ve found my wings again. It’s the strong feeling of being a blessing and being blessed, combined with simple yet profound appreciation. I don’t need Chroi to return to my old self… I think this is my first step in finally letting him go for good..

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~ by Anita Fei on June 4, 2005.

2 Responses to “…To Feel…To Fly…”

  1. Letting go is a wonderful process…;-)))) You’ve gone through so much these past few years…Just keep on trying and struggling no matter what you face, no matter how dark you feel at the moment…you’ll find the light still…inside you. :-)))) LOVE YOUUUUUUUU, ANGEL!!!! MWAH!!!!

  2. It’s a blessing to read this poems… to learn each every day, that its all because of His grace and mercy, and not because of our strength. And its a blessing, to find u as one of my friend. Its a blessing to see life differently in a good way. Because its all returned to our own goodness.

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